She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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