His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
