there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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