Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
