I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
