i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
