She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to align my fucking chakras
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
