I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
