I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm gonna have a badass scar
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
