somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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