drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
