East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
