just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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