come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
