Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
