i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
