May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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