NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
