careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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