definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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