"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
