Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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