Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
