I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
