He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
