your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish my penis had a tongue
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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