We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
