Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
