Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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