there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
