you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
