I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
