i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
