please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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