all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
