it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
