im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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