Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
