you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
