I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
