we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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