I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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