You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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