mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
