he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
