Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sponge bath it is.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
