I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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