thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize