I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
