Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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