Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
At least make sure they are 18
Why
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
