i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
