I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
