I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
