Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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