I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
