the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
