I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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