Just cropdusted the office
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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