I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
