i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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