the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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