We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
