wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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