I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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