the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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