So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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