I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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