Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
