Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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