it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
