i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
