Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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