Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ