I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.