Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.