I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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