I hate your face
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
