my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize