Umm I'm too high to move.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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